rowan_rose (rowan_rose) wrote in skinny_knickers,
rowan_rose
rowan_rose
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Satan is attacking my self-esteem

I know this is an attack of Satan but this is how I feel. I started this day very close to God and feeling like myself again. All the soul searching mentioned on my own lj last night (or was it early this morning) was really helping my overall demeanor. I felt like I had found myself again. This afternoon, however, while I listened to my mom and Kyle discuss scholarship options Satan attacked. He has used this before on occasion, it is one of the best ways he can get me. I feel if I voice it though, it will give him less power so here goes.
Sometimes I don't feel very smart, compared to some people. I don't feel I'm very special or have anything much to offer. I don't feel talented of above average even though I know I am. I don't go to some prestigious competitive school. My college is not known for its challenging academics. Not only that but I have the easiest course of study there. I am not athletic, when compared to people who are swimmers I actually suck. I am not gifted with cars, computers, teaching, fashion, decorating, or cooking. I can't really sing even though people once thought I could. And its times like these when I don't think there is anything special about my writing either.
I know this is an attack from Satan but that doesn't change how I feel. I know he's attacking me because all these things aren't true and that he fears me, he fears what God can do with me because I do have something to offer. I know he is attacking me because I was growing closer to God and he wanted to stop that. I know all this in my mind but he whispers lies to my heart discouraging me.
Prayer would be most helpful.
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